Living In The Question
In our yoga school we encourage our students to look within and pay attention to any questions arising during the practice or during the daily life as these questions are of great importance for our wellbeing. We want to learn how to stay with the question, not necessarily finding an answer or getting all stressed out about not knowing the answer, just observing what feelings and thoughts are brought to the surface. A dynamic way towards self realisation and being conscious with what questions arising is asking the question what is true in one’s life in that specific moment.
Here is an essay written by Katie Lee, one of our yoga students, who has been consciously observing and living in the question “what is true in life right now”, what really matters in my life…Here you can read how she goes from one clarity to another and you might even recognize yourself….
You can contact Kate here: firstname.lastname@example.org
I repeated the question of “What is true for you in your life right now” many times. I meditated upon what is truth? What is true? What is true for me? There are a lot of emotions that came up but a clear picture came to be. In my life right now, I am lost. I am completely and happily lost. From a young age I have been a perfectionist. I listened to my parents and did what I was told. I did exceptionally well during elementary school, participated in athletics, and won several awards and ribbons. I was the co-president of my high school, voted miss congeniality by my peers, and got a scholarship to go to university. I studied hard and did well at school. I made lots of friends, played on a few sports teams, had two part time jobs, did a lot of volunteering, made it on the honour roll, and was a part of more clubs than I could count on one hand. I had a good social life with lots of friends and a few boyfriends along the way. Everything was going well…then I graduated. This is when I one, began realizing more about life, and two, coincidentally or not, started having a stronger yoga practice.
Up to that point I had done what I was told. I had done what you were “supposed to do”. I was “supposed to” do what my parents told me. I was “supposed to” be the best. I was “supposed to” multi-task a dozen things and be so busy I didn’t have time to think. I was “supposed to” have everyone like me. I was “supposed to” go to university. And now I was “supposed to” get a job, find the love of my life, get married, buy a house, buy a mini-van, have children, accumulate things, retire, enjoy my last few years as a senior, and then die. I was “supposed to” do all of this but I have done quite a bit of thinking and am trying to choose a different path. I have chosen to break away from this path that the capitalist and western society has laid out so neatly for us. I do not want to fit this “cookie cutter” life. I want to travel; I want to see the world; I want to explore; I want to be passionate about life itself; I want to do more than stay in one place and do what I am told. This is truth number one in my life right now.
Now having said this I come to the realization this is why I feel lost. I am living in a society that tends to condemn breaking away from the norm. This so called perfect fit of what life “should” look like is not fitting for my life right now. Through looking back I have had experiences, met people, and have had interactions that have changed my life. For example, I have done work in poor rural mountain villages in the Dominican Republic. Here I have seen people call metal shacks of houses that are literally falling off the side of a mountain their home. I have played with children that wear the same old, dirty and ratty clothing day in and day out. I have seen the pain in a father’s eyes who is unable to provide for his family. However, I have also seen the tears of gratitude of that same father to those helping him provide a better life for not only his own family but for his future generations. I have heard a child’s laugh of pure happiness at something so simple. I have seen the power and determination of a community coming together to help one another. I have witnessed the great capacity of joy and love that we as human beings are able to give and share. Throughout my life and my past experiences I have come to believe in the power of love and the human connection. We are all connected. We are all love. We are all one. This is truth number two in my life right now.
Along with my life experiences, my yoga practice has definitely brought me closer to what is true in my life. Generally speaking, my yoga practice is still in its beginning stages but I have loved everything it has unfolded within me thus far. One of the greatest realizations is just that, the realization that everything I need is already within me. My practice, both asana and life, have brought me closer to my true self and has helped me shed layers that I built up over the years while trying to do and think what I was “supposed to”. It has brought me closer to myself and the oneness of us all. It has opened my eyes and my heart to the love I have for others, whether it be my best friend, my mother, my father, my sister, the lady at the check-out counter at the grocery store or just someone I pass on the street. We need to show and express our love and gratitude to every person, every animal, and every being. This is something I hope to bring into my teachings as a yoga teacher. I want to share this with the world. I want to demonstrate this in my life and through my practice. It is my hope that I will be able to share this to everyone I meet. This is truth number three.
In my life right now I do not know where I am going. I have graduated from university, have a degree I do not know what to do with, saved up money to travel, lost my job, live with my parents, have a boyfriend living on the other side of the world, am unsure if I want to go back to school, am not ready to be married or have children yet, living in a society that assesses my every move, and am not even sure what country I want to live in. I am not sure where my life is going, I do not know what I am going to do, and am unsure of what the future holds but one thing is certain: I am here right now. In this present moment I am here. Every choice, every action, every decision, every turn, every person I have met, and every experience I have had has led me to where I am right now. I need to be here right now. This is truth number four. So in conclusion, the four truths in my life right now may not be very specific but they guide me every day and every moment. It is a continuous process and deeper progression to my true Self. Some days are harder than others but some days are so liberating and joyful. Many things change around me but who I am stays the same. I am a free spirit and I am lost. However I question, if I am where I need to be right now, maybe I am not as lost as I thought. NAMASTE